"In the year of the new century and nine months,
From the sky will come a great King of Terror...
The sky will burn at forty-five degrees.
Fire approaches the great new city...
There will be a great thunder,
Two brothers torn apart by chaos,
While the fortress endures,
The great leader will succumb,
The third big war will begin when the big city is burning"
Nostradamus
Monday, March 23, 2009
Indianess
Friends, These are from an article in India Abroad, a
desi newspaper here in the U.S. So with malice towards
one and all, here goes...
One Bengali is a poet
Two Bengalis is a film society
Three Bengalis is a political party
Four Bengalis is two political parties
____
One Punjabi is a 100 kg hulk named Pinky
Two Punjabis is a Pinky with his brother Twinky
Three Punjabis is an assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds
Four Punjabis is a combined IQ equal to one Tam-Brahm
____
One Bihari is Laloo Prasad Yadav
Two Biharis is a booth-capturing squad
Three Biharis is a caste killing
Four Biharis is the entire literate population of
Patna
_____
One Mallu is a coconut stall
Two Mallus is a boat race
Three Mallus is a Gulf job racket
Four Mallus is an oil slick
___
One UP bhaiyya is a milkman
Two UP bhaiyyas is a halwai shop
Three UP bhaiyyas is a fist-fight in the UP assembly
Four UP bhaiyyas is a mosque-destruction squad
______
One Gujju is a share-broker in a Bombay train
Two Gujjus is a rummy game in a Bombay train
Three Gujjus is a Rs. 10-crore sprocket manufacturing business
Four Gujjus is an all-night dandia-raas session
____
One Andhraite is a chilli farmer
Two Andhraites is a software company in New Jersey
Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit
Four Andhraites is a song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie
______
One Kashmiri is a carpet salesman
Two Kashmiris is a carpet factory
Three Kashmiris is a terrorist outfit
Four Kashmiris is a shoot-at-sight order
____
One Tam-Brahm is a priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple
Two Tam-Brahms is a maths tuition class
Three Tam-Brahms is a queue outside the U.S. consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms is a Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara
___
One Bombayite is a footpath vada-pau stall
Two Bombayites is a film studio
Three Bombayites is a slum
Four Bombayites is the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour
____
One Sindhi is a currency racket
Two Sindhis is a papad factory
Three Sindhis is a duplicate goods shop
Four Sindhis is the Hong Kong Retail Traders Association
_____
One U.S. Desi is a software guy
Two U.S. Desis is a lunch group at work
Three U.S. Desis is a bitching session about the U.S.
Four U.S. Desis is four software guys, heating tamarind rice in the office microwave, cooked that morning, in their shared one bedroom apartment, and bitching about life in the U.S.
desi newspaper here in the U.S. So with malice towards
one and all, here goes...
One Bengali is a poet
Two Bengalis is a film society
Three Bengalis is a political party
Four Bengalis is two political parties
____
One Punjabi is a 100 kg hulk named Pinky
Two Punjabis is a Pinky with his brother Twinky
Three Punjabis is an assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds
Four Punjabis is a combined IQ equal to one Tam-Brahm
____
One Bihari is Laloo Prasad Yadav
Two Biharis is a booth-capturing squad
Three Biharis is a caste killing
Four Biharis is the entire literate population of
Patna
_____
One Mallu is a coconut stall
Two Mallus is a boat race
Three Mallus is a Gulf job racket
Four Mallus is an oil slick
___
One UP bhaiyya is a milkman
Two UP bhaiyyas is a halwai shop
Three UP bhaiyyas is a fist-fight in the UP assembly
Four UP bhaiyyas is a mosque-destruction squad
______
One Gujju is a share-broker in a Bombay train
Two Gujjus is a rummy game in a Bombay train
Three Gujjus is a Rs. 10-crore sprocket manufacturing business
Four Gujjus is an all-night dandia-raas session
____
One Andhraite is a chilli farmer
Two Andhraites is a software company in New Jersey
Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit
Four Andhraites is a song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie
______
One Kashmiri is a carpet salesman
Two Kashmiris is a carpet factory
Three Kashmiris is a terrorist outfit
Four Kashmiris is a shoot-at-sight order
____
One Tam-Brahm is a priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple
Two Tam-Brahms is a maths tuition class
Three Tam-Brahms is a queue outside the U.S. consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms is a Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara
___
One Bombayite is a footpath vada-pau stall
Two Bombayites is a film studio
Three Bombayites is a slum
Four Bombayites is the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour
____
One Sindhi is a currency racket
Two Sindhis is a papad factory
Three Sindhis is a duplicate goods shop
Four Sindhis is the Hong Kong Retail Traders Association
_____
One U.S. Desi is a software guy
Two U.S. Desis is a lunch group at work
Three U.S. Desis is a bitching session about the U.S.
Four U.S. Desis is four software guys, heating tamarind rice in the office microwave, cooked that morning, in their shared one bedroom apartment, and bitching about life in the U.S.
Poem for Drunks...
I went to a party Mom,
I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.
I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right..
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight..
As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet.
I started to drive away, Mom,
But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn't see me, Mom,
And hit me like a load.
As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,
I hear the policeman say,
"The other guy is drunk," Mom,
And now I'm the one who will pay.
I'm lying here dying, Mom....
I wish you'd get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom?
My life just burst like a balloon.
There is blood all around me, Mom,
And most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom,
I'll die in a short time.
I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others, Mom.
The others didn't think.
He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank
And I will die.
Why do people drink, Mom?
It can ruin your whole life.
I'm feeling sharp pains now.
Pains just like a knife.
The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
And I don't think it's fair.
I'm lying here dying
And all he can do is stare.
Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.
Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom,
Put "GOOD BOY " on my grave.
Someone should have told him, Mom,
Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom,
I would still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom.
I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you, you were always there.
I have one last question, Mom.
Before I say good bye.
I didn't drink and drive,
So why am I the one to die?
I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.
I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right..
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight..
As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet.
I started to drive away, Mom,
But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn't see me, Mom,
And hit me like a load.
As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,
I hear the policeman say,
"The other guy is drunk," Mom,
And now I'm the one who will pay.
I'm lying here dying, Mom....
I wish you'd get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom?
My life just burst like a balloon.
There is blood all around me, Mom,
And most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom,
I'll die in a short time.
I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others, Mom.
The others didn't think.
He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank
And I will die.
Why do people drink, Mom?
It can ruin your whole life.
I'm feeling sharp pains now.
Pains just like a knife.
The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
And I don't think it's fair.
I'm lying here dying
And all he can do is stare.
Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.
Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom,
Put "GOOD BOY " on my grave.
Someone should have told him, Mom,
Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom,
I would still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom.
I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you, you were always there.
I have one last question, Mom.
Before I say good bye.
I didn't drink and drive,
So why am I the one to die?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Sambher of 69
I had my first real six rupees,
stole it from my father's pants.
went to a madrasi hotel,
to eat the sambhar of 69.
Me and some kadke dost,
had it all and we caught bukhaar,
jimy puked, joey got ulcers,
and Bagga ne maari dakar.
Oh when I went back there now,
the food was as stale as ever,
and though it was 1999,
still the sambhar was being served over there,
that was the worst food of my life.
Therez no use in complaining,
when you got no other place to eat,
rushed in the evening to the doctors clinic, but he too was at the toilet seat, yeah
standing there waiting outside,
nurse told me I will wait forever,
oh and when I held my breath,
I knew that I had to use that loo there
That was the worst food of my life.
Back to the sambhar of 69.
Man I was getting killed,
I was full and restless,
I needed to unwind,
I guess nothing can wait forever
stole it from my father's pants.
went to a madrasi hotel,
to eat the sambhar of 69.
Me and some kadke dost,
had it all and we caught bukhaar,
jimy puked, joey got ulcers,
and Bagga ne maari dakar.
Oh when I went back there now,
the food was as stale as ever,
and though it was 1999,
still the sambhar was being served over there,
that was the worst food of my life.
Therez no use in complaining,
when you got no other place to eat,
rushed in the evening to the doctors clinic, but he too was at the toilet seat, yeah
standing there waiting outside,
nurse told me I will wait forever,
oh and when I held my breath,
I knew that I had to use that loo there
That was the worst food of my life.
Back to the sambhar of 69.
Man I was getting killed,
I was full and restless,
I needed to unwind,
I guess nothing can wait forever
Class Analogy
Really a class analogy.
An Old Story:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or
shelter so he dies out in the cold.
Indian Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and
demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper
next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled
with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be that this poor
Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that
Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .
Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for
not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the
Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt
support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bengal Bandh' in
West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard
in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and
Grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway
Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism
Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the
winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational
Institutions & in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left
to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government
and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.
Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.
CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later.
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar
company in Silicon Valley,
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere
in India !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
An Old Story:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or
shelter so he dies out in the cold.
Indian Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and
demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper
next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled
with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be that this poor
Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that
Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .
Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for
not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the
Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt
support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bengal Bandh' in
West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard
in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and
Grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway
Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism
Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the
winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational
Institutions & in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left
to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government
and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.
Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.
CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later.
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar
company in Silicon Valley,
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere
in India !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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